8 is enough

This child:


slept for 8 hours straight last night.

That is momentous enough that I had considered ending my blog post there. But you know how much I like to blabber on, and I haven't posted in a month, so I will continue.

I was angry about the time change this weekend (whoever invented daylight savings time obviously didn't have kids) and the fact that Charlotte had kept me up until midnight Sunday night, but then she fell asleep at 9:30 last night and I didn't hear a peep from her until 5:40 this morning. Emily didn't sleep this long until she was 3 weeks older than Charlotte so I'm quite thrilled. I just got the longest chunk of sleep (in my own bed!) that I've gotten since maybe August. She also puts up with me munching on her cheeks and rubbing her head with great aplomb, and she gives me smiles and chuckles on demand. For all that, I will forgive her for projectile-vomiting all over me and the couch yesterday. And flat-out refusing to take bottles EVER, much preferring to drink straight from the source CONSTANTLY.

This child:


woke me up at 6 yesterday to say she had pee pees in her bed. Then she pulled a houseplant down on her head, showering the just-cleaned floor and dog bed (and her just-cleaned self) with dirt. I spent the next hour vacuuming it all up, and chasing her around in my shower with the sprayer trying to get all the dirt particles out of her hair. Luckily, it was then time to put new sheets on her bed and put her down for a nap. Then she peed in the bed again.

Emily has been kind of a huge pain recently. Her previously stellar eating habits have started to crumble to the point where all she wants to eat is Kashi Heart to Heart and avocadoes. She'll eat a bite or two of dinner, then refuse to eat any more (even if she likes it) and just ask for dessert. Dinners now are full of stressful bargaining. The screaming hysteria that started creeping into our daily routine a couple weeks before Charlotte was born has now become a bi-daily occurance. We never know what will emerge from her room in the morning...sometimes it's a sweet girl who's all smiles. But more than half the time these days it's a bed-headed Emily-shaped container of nitroglycerin that will explode at the slightest provocation. When she comes downstairs and responds to a cheerful "Good morning Emily!" with this:


we know we're in trouble. This is a girl who is going to be a walking zombie without her coffee when she gets older.

I am pretty sure the tantrums are just because she's finally hitting the terrible twos and not because of having a new sister. But the having a new sister thing isn't going quite as well either. I knew that Emily wouldn't just walk up to me and say "Mommy, I'm jealous because you're paying attention to Charlotte a lot, can you please pay attention to me for a bit?" but it took me awhile to realize that IS what she is saying by coming over to kiss Charlotte and biting her instead, or giving her a hug and squeezing her until she cries. Emily's displeasure is expressed by displays of affection that all of a sudden turn into acts of violence. It's tough for me because I can't exactly say "You can't kiss or hug your sister", but even though I always hold Charlotte in my lap while they're interacting, and even though I constantly mutter "gentle gentle gentle gentle GENTLE!" while Emily is touching the baby, she still manages to hurt her from time to time.

And I understand. GOD do I understand. I am the oldest of 3 kids, as is Will, and when we see the barely-restrained (and sometimes not restrained) violence in her eyes and see her hands shake with the urge to pinch or smack or otherwise hurt, we remember. We have been there. But it's still not ok. Now that I am paying a bit more attention I notice when Emily gets louder and starts to sidle closer and dart glances at Charlotte. Those are the signs that I need to focus on Emily for a bit if I can. I know she needs one-on-one attention, and I try to give it, but it's difficult when I'm nursing all the time.

But there is always the good, and with Emily the good is awesome. She is so loving, and will often tell me how much she loves everyone in the family. "You're the best mommy I've ever seen in town" is heard often, so I certainly can't complain that being her mommy is a thankless job. She comes out with some new, precocious phrase every other day it seems, like "his feet are damaged", "in the meantime", and "I tell you true". I am often corrected by a little voice saying "actually....", just like I used to as a kid. If you ask her how old she is, she'll either say "Well, I'm 48 weeks pregnant" (I don't envy ya, sister) or she'll say "I'm two half and a pounds". Either way, she knows she has a birthday coming up, and she has told me in no uncertain terms she requires a Madagascar cake. Yay, licensed characters! She will "read" her sushi book to us, and all I have to say about that is if you haven't heard a 2 year old say "Tamachi style handroll with uni urchin roe" then you don't know what the definition of cute is. She gets so excited about the simplest things and loves telling us about her dreams.

Most exciting of all, she saw a tap class going on at Little Gym the other day, and her eyes just lit up. She tried to march right in, and was crushed when I told her she can't start tap class until the beginning of April. She begged me to buy her tap shoes right then and there, and idiot that I am, in my excitement I complied. Of course I ended up driving to several different stores with screaming girls who were up long past lunchtime and naptime and pretty much chasing all of Il Forno's Pizzaria's clientelle out the door with my armful of screaming kids (the fact that I bought my daughter white bread pizza should tell you just how desperate I was). But now she has tap shoes. She requested as soon as we got home that I bring down my tap shoes too so we could dance together. I may have shed a tear.

I don't know how to end this post without sounding mushy and trite, so I'll just go for the whole 9 yards here and hope you'll forgive me. It's true what they say. Parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding.

Deja vu all over again

While chatting with Will the other day, I came to an unsettling realization. I don't have deja vu anymore. That in and of itself isn't unsettling, but when we delved deeper into the "why" of it, I came to the conclusion that I don't have deja vu anymore because every one of my days is pretty much exactly like the rest of them anyway. My life IS deja vu. It has been especially bad recently what with being snowed in and unable to go anywhere. I pretty much want to go back in time to the Friday before last and punch myself in the face for this post. But in Sara of Two Weeks Ago's defense, she thought she'd only be snowed in for a couple days. If she had known how very much snow was on the way, she might have been a bit less cheery. Right now though, our 3rd snow in 10 days looks like it's wrapping up without much ill effect on the roads, so I am hoping to go on an excursion with the girls tomorrow. Anywhere will do. And I am hoping that since all of Frederick county just underwent a 7 day quarantine that everyone's germs had a chance to run their course in the privacy of their own homes and now we'll have a remarkably healthy late winter.

This part of winter is always difficult. The excitement of the holiday season is over, all of my magazines are showing spring dresses and Easter centerpieces, your sister and mother are luxuriating in the Jamaican sun (grrrr), and yet outside it's still winter. And this year is especially bad because with all the snow on the ground I can't even let Emily go outside without gloves, hat, scarf, sweater, shirt, jeans, boots, snow pants, wool socks and someone to lift her out of the snowdrifts if she falls over. During the week that someone has to be me, and since Charlotte does not tend to accept any activity other than being held and being nursed, it's tough to even get enough time to get Emily dressed, let alone go outside. And now that I'm feeling normal again, I would really like to do some exercise but the girls rarely cooperate. I COULD go for a walk with Emily in the stroller and wear Charlotte inside my big coat, but these days the sidewalks are buried under over 4 feet of snow :-( Sigh.

In an effort to distract myself from the cabin fever, I am focusing on things I'm looking forward to. I am shopping around for a car, because I am not a huge fan of our Highlander, and it'll be paid off in June so I'm anxious to find something new and different. I would dearly love a Toyota Sienna with AWD, but the trade-in value of our Highlander would pretty much pay in full for a Kia Sedona which is also rated extremely well and the thought of having a new car and no car payments is compelling. And as long as I have to drive a family car, I might as well go all out and get a minivan because they ARE incredibly convenient. It's like driving your living room around.

I'm also thinking about and planning other warm weather things like the garden we want to plant, the CSA we are joining, the trip to the beach we'll be taking with my family, the "Triumphant Return to Travel" trip I want to take with Will once Charlotte is old enough to be left with my parents for a couple days (although that will probably be more like a year from now), and the trips and activities I would like to do with the girls once going outside isn't such an ordeal. Hopefully if I plan things now they'll actually happen, and if I can keep my eyes focused ahead on the warmer months I won't notice so much that my legs are buried in the snow.

Free at last!

This morning, I awoke to two wonderful sounds. First was the sound of the snow plow finally going by! I almost cried with happiness. Coincidentally it went by exactly when I usually wake up, so I am quite grateful to be freed from my snowy prison AND allowed to sleep in untill my normal waking time. I don't take kindly to being awakened by anyone but my children because nobody but my children can possibly need me badly enough to warrant curtailing my precious sleep.

The second wonderful sound was Emily's voice announcing that her bed was dry this morning! The poor girl has been potty trained since August, but I always still put a diaper on her at night. I did this for two reasons. First, because I was too exhausted what with gestating and now with feeding a new baby through the night to even consider having to deal with an accident at 3AM. Second, because Emily's diaper weighs about 5 pounds when she wakes up in the morning and considering how deeply she sleeps I just didn't think she'd be able to hold it or wake up enough to get that much pee out without a diaper on! Will has been lobbying for us to give her a chance for awhile, so last night we finally did and she made it on the first try! Now if only she could learn how to get a reasonable amount of toilet paper by herself without unraveling the whole roll she'd be 100% self-sufficient in the potty department.

So I don't think I'll venture out quite yet, but it makes me feel lighter just knowing I'm not trapped anymore. 7 days is a long time to have to entertain a 2 year old without the benefit of playgrounds or libraries or Little Gym.

Reading all my childless friends' facebook updates this week has made me somewhat jealous. It would've been quite nice to just curl up on the couch with Will and a cup of tea and catch up on our TV shows while it snowed (although without kids we wouldn't have been nearly as far behind on our TV shows in the first place). Instead I was charging back and forth between a screaming hungry baby and a bored tantruming 2 year old (who referred to her sister yesterday as a "stupid old baby" and tried to drag her across the floor by the foot of her PJs), wracking my brain for fun stuff to do and desperately trying to convince Emily that we don't need to watch Home on the Range again. That's where she learned the word stupid in the first place :-( But parts of this week were fun, and I am actually quite glad that we even had Home on the Range as an option, because lots of people were without power this whole week. I can't imagine having to go through a blizzard without being able to bake, do laundry, watch TV or even stay in my house. I can't imagine the frustration and annoyance of having to pack my whole family into a car that can't handle driving in 10" of snow and trying to find a hotel that'll accept two 45 pound dogs, one of whom just discovered that he loves eating poop. Dealing with THAT has been horrifying enough while snug and warm in our own house.

So I've decided I need to make a list of things I'll miss about having little kids, and things I WON'T miss about having little kids. I'll keep the first list posted in a place I see it and add to it often, and the other list I'll save to reference in the future when I am looking back with nostalgia on these days.

THINGS I WILL MISS

-Hugs and snuggles pretty much whenever I want
-Hearing "I love you mommy" often
-The hilarious things that kids think about and say
-Not having to "learn to let go" yet, I can keep them with me and safe at all times
-Fuzzy baby heads...have I mentioned that I love baby heads?
-Their butts. Baby and toddler butts are adorable
-The rest of them too
-Having someone around who is so sweet, so innocent, and so impressed with the simplest things
-Watching them grow and feeling so proud when they master new concepts and tasks
-Having people in this world who think I know everything
-Being able to act like a dork without judgment
-Kissing boo boos and being able to make it all better
-Feeling so needed all of the time


THINGS I WILL NOT MISS

-Feeling so needed all of the time
-Having to deal with human waste every day
-LACK OF SLEEP!
-Having to adhere perfectly to a 30-minute long carefully choreographed bedtime routine or else suffer the wrath of a 2 year old
-Brushing teeth, wiping butts, washing hair, wiping noses
-Tantrums, especially when there are multiple tantrum events in one day
-The huge messes
-Having to pack up the whole house before I go anywhere, and having to buckle them into carseats. SUCH A PAIN
-Having to prioritize my free time to the point where getting a pedicure (or sometimes even a shower) is pretty much out of the question
-Having to drive a "family" car (I miss my little Audi!)

I had to make the first list longer than the second so that I look like a good mom. Which I HOPE I am, and if I took a week and made these lists exhaustive, I have no doubt the first would be way longer than the second. Motherhood does feel like a pretty thankless job sometimes, but even if I have a day when the second list feels longer than the first, I love my kids like crazy, and that makes up for any perceived imbalance.

Snowpocalypse/Snowapalooza/Snowmageddon/Snow More 2010

We're all too clever for our own good.

Hey, remember my last post? The one about how I was still cool with hanging out at the house but Emily wanted to get out? Well we got our 30" of snow, Will dug us out, and 4 napless days later when the furthest I've gone from my house is the mailbox, I'm getting some cabin fever. The first snow came on a Friday, which meant I could look forward to having Will at home with me and the girls for several days. However now it's Tuesday, and Will's at work because the newspaper (being a newspaper) doesn't close for snow. And now this is happening:



That, my friends, is 15-20" of additional snow falling on top of the 30" we already got. That is Mother Nature laughing at us. That is where I'm going to keep my pet penguins, because I've always thought they were super-cute and now that we are living in an Antarctica-like climate I know they would be very happy here.

It is annoying to finally start feeling well enough to go out with both girls only to get repeatedly snowed in. And it's very difficult to keep a 2 year old on a nap strike occupied and happy while you are trapped in the house with a baby attached to your boob. Yesterday we watched 5 movies, and I hated it SO much. I feel like I'm turning my daughter's brain to mush, and I definitely feel like my brain is turning to mush. Every time she asks to watch a show, I try to distract her but the truth is it's so much easier to sit down and nurse Charlotte or do the dishes when Emily is plunked in front of a show. I've told myself it's ok, it's only temporary, I'm just using it to get us through crazy times and as soon as I'm not pregnant/Charlotte is older/We're not sick/It's not raining or snowing outside I will enforce a no TV policy. I sound like an addict rationalizing, and the worst part is that I've created a little addict in the process. Once we cut back on TV it's going to be painful so I keep putting it off.

With little kids, distraction is much better than just flat-out forbidding something, so I made big plans for today. We were going to go outside and play, and we were going to do fun, educational activities inside and Emily wouldn't even have time to think about watching TV.

I spent 15 minutes getting Emily into her snow gear, and 15 more minutes trying to get Charlotte full so that she'd be nice and calm. I strapped Charlotte to my chest and bundled us up too. Then we added food coloring to spray bottles, and went out to have fun!


Not pictured: screaming Charlotte strapped to my chest.

Emily sprayed the colored water for about 2 minutes, then decided she didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore. She ate a couple handfuls of snow, then started whining to go back inside.

No matter! I had fun and educational activities planned for inside too!

I decided to start discussing the concept of opposites. We collected black and white things from around the house, and I had Emily sort them, then we used little cups and millet (because I hate millet and will never eat all of what we have) to learn about full and empty:


In the corner you can see our squares of sandpaper and plastic we used for rough and smooth.

We also did near and far, and closed ourselves in the powder room to learn dark vs. light.

As an added bonus we even glued cottonballs to black construction paper to make snow pictures. And in a fortuitous turn of events a package arrived from my aunt that had gifts for Charlotte as well as a Dora the Explorer backpack filled with art supplies for Emily that occupied her for awhile.

And after doing all of that? We've still ended up watching 4 shows in between activities. I need SOME time to get dishes done and nurse the baby. And I need preschool to start. Then someone else can entertain my kid 3 days a week because this is exhausting!

Speaking of preschool, I finally made my decision after much (MUCH) deliberation and agonizing. I had hoped that once everything was decided I would heave a sigh of relief and not have to worry about it again until August, but that has not been the case. I got both girls dressed and out of the house last Monday in time to make it to the preschool sign-up at 9AM (I really impressed myself there) thereby securing my daughter's future, then immediately started questioning my decision. True, her preschool has the best playground, a big indoor gym where the kids can play in bad weather, a centers room instead of individual centers areas in each classroom which allows them to offer more materials, tiny bathrooms, small classes, experienced teachers and field trips and classes 3 mornings a week vs. 2, but it doesn't offer Spanish or Yoga or sign language or an observation area like the preschool that made second place on my list. Let's just hope that Emily doesn't ever end up cursing me for my decision as she's sitting across the desk from a deaf spanish-speaking yoga enthusiast interviewer.

But right decision or no, she's officially signed up now, and if we turn out regretting our decision we can always rectify our mistake with Charlotte. That's what second kids are for, right?

All I really want is girls!

The storm of the century is moving in here, and as I watch the snow fall I am feeling very happy. I am happy that we live in the city now vs. way out in the country so I know our road will be plowed in a reasonable amount of time. If the power goes out, we will still have water because we are not on a a well anymore, and thanks to our sweet phones we will even have internet access, at least until our batteries die. We are even within walking distance of a grocery store, so if the $120 worth of groceries that I impulse-bought today (I already had enough food for days, but if everyone else is buying up all the milk and toilet paper, I need to buy things too!) don't last us, Will can just walk over and pick up whatever we need. I say "Will" because he is taller, and if we get 30" of snow I probably don't have the physical endurance built back up yet to take on such a trek. Also, I braved the grocery stores today with Emily and Charlotte, I ended up having to breastfeed my baby while standing in a 30-minute long line at the grocery store, and I withstood the confusion of having a lady with a full beard butt in front of me in line (I would've said something, but I usually make it a point not to pick fights with people who have beards) so I feel like I've served my time already.


But most of all, I'm SO happy that I've already had my baby and I don't have to worry I'll go into labor as 30 inches of snow is falling. And not being able to leave the house gives me an excuse to just lay around and enjoy my baby (It also helps that there's another adult here with me to give me a bit more time to relax). This time around, I don't think I'm sleeping much better (Charlotte will only sleep at night in the guest bed with me, the crib is super-lame) but I am feeling less exhausted than I did with Emily. Emily used to cluster feed in the evenings, and it stressed me out SO badly, but Charlotte cluster-feeds all day long and it doesn't really bother me much. I think it's because going from only having to think about yourself and your husband to having to spend 24 hours a day devoted to a tiny, new person is a huge wake-up call, but this time around I'm already awake. I also know how short this phase is, so I'm not falling into the "This will never get better! She will never stop eating/start sleeping through the night/stop crying!" mindset like I did before. Instead I'm trying to enjoy my baby while she's tiny, and watching the changes that happen every day. I am way more into enjoying the phase she's in this time around, instead of being anxious for her to hit milestones. She has already smiled purposely which I love, but I also love how solemn babies always look before they get super-smiley. Her eyes get more focused every day, but I love when she tries to look at me and her eyes cross. I am rubbing my face on her head at every opportunity before it turns from delectably soft baby fuzz to silky toddler hair (still good for face-rubbing, but you don't get exactly the same effect).

Emily is still doing great...aside from the fact that she's had a nasty runny nose pretty much ever since we brought Charlotte home. This distresses us quite a bit, especially since Emily loves to snuggle her sister, and also because Charlotte has gotten pretty sniffly the last couple days. Let's hope my antibodies keep it from getting any worse! But Emily is a great big sister, she hasn't shown any jealousy at all, she loves to rub Charlotte's fuzzy head, and whenever Charlotte cries Emily says "She needs her mama! Nurse her, mommy!" Between Emily and the ever-vigilant Mingus, I definitely don't need to worry that I won't notice when Charlotte cries.

I'm still in the kinda crazy early days before Charlotte settles into a schedule, but we'll get there soon. And while I'm fairly content to just lay around looking at my baby, Emily would benefit from some time out of the house but I confess I am afraid of all the germs lurking out there. I wanted to take her to the park the other day because it was supposed to be 50 outside and I feel like there are less germs on an outside playground where the sun can kill them than on the nasty indoor playgrounds at the mall and fast food restaurants, but the day ended up being 35 and rainy. Now I don't think all this snow will be gone until the pool opens on Memorial Day, so I guess I'd better get over my germophobia or else find some sort of nice sterile robot-child to help socialize and play with Emily because she'll end up going stir-crazy before long. It's really tough to protect a brand-new baby when you also have a 2 year old who periodically eats the ice out of the seafood displays at Giant and enjoys licking the freezer doors at Wal-Mart. If only kids were born knowing and practicing proper illness-avoidance procedures.

So until the weather warms up, I'll force myself to venture out periodically, but the bulk of my time will be spent snuggled up watching the best entertainment there is. No, not the Superbowl, or the Oscars, or even the Olympics, although I definitely need to find a way to watch all of those things. Not even Home on the Range (THE worst Disney movie ever) even though it plays at our house at least twice a day because it's Emily's favorite. I'll entertain myself by watching my kidlets grow and change day by day, and revel in how lucky I am to be able to do that.

Charlotte's Birth Story

Just as I finished doing the bedtime routine with Emily on Sunday night at 9:10PM and went to leave her room, my water broke. I looked over at Emily and saw her big eyes looking at me, so I calmly said "goodnight sweetie", then ran for the bathroom. I at first headed for the guest bathroom, but remembered that my mother-in-law would be spending the night and using the bathroom so I didn't want to make a mess in there! I changed course and headed to my bathroom and quickly diapered myself in a towel so that I could waddle downstairs and tell Will to start calling everyone. Then I went back upstairs to take a shower. I had one contraction while I was shaving my leg that was uncomfortable enough to make me stop for a bit, but otherwise I was just feeling little squeezes.

My mother-in-law arrived to watch our daughter, and my mom and sister arrived to head to the hospital with us. We left the house at about 10:15PM.

On the way to the hospital I had 2 contractions that required a bit of breathing and concentration. Mostly I was uncomfortable because Charlotte was kicking up a storm, I felt like I needed to pee, and I could feel some gas bubbling around in my stomach. There was just entirely too much going on in my pelvis!

When we got to the hospital, I tried to head to the bathroom to relieve some pressure but the check-in lady saw me and stopped me. She said I'd have to give a urine sample as soon as I got to L&D so I should just check in first. Of course it took over 10 minutes! I only had a couple mild contractions but I REALLY wanted to pee!

I finally got to L&D, got a chance to pee, and was settled in at around 11:15PM. I was checked and told I was 4cm. I was having contractions about every 10 min, and a couple periods of discomfort in between each contraction that I still thought were due to Charlotte moving so much combined with gas pains, but once I was on the monitor it turned out they were contractions too.

Over the next hour the contractions picked up to the point where I was losing control. I had gone natural with Emily and hoped to do so again, but I was having difficulty relaxing and breathing through and ended up doing a lot of yelling instead! I was feeling them mostly in my back, so I tried leaning forward but that felt terrible. I went back to a sitting up/semi-reclined position, but that wasn't very good for the baby heartrate monitor so the nurse had me turn sideways a bit. As with my labor with Emily, moving brought on contractions, so as I rolled one came on and I kind of got stuck in a half on my back/half on my left side position where I remained for awhile. This position was unfortunately not a very good one, but I didn't want to move an inch because I wanted as long between contractions as possible!

The contractions at this point felt like my contractions I was having at 7-8cm with my first labor! When I was checked at 12:30, I was a whopping 5cm. The idea of spending the next 5 hours in pain this bad was NOT appealing to me, so I asked for an epidural. My mom said "But Sara, you're in transition!", to which I replied "I am NOT in transition, transition is going from 8-10cm and I am only at FIVE! I want an epidural NOW!"

The nurse started my IV and told me that once the whole bag of saline was in, she'd call the anesthesiologist. I was NOT happy, and with each contraction was yelling at my mom, the nurse, and random other nurses who came in the room to squeeze the IV bag and get it in there quicker! Everyone thought this was amusing, but I know for a fact that they can do this to get fluids in quickly in an emergency and I was furious that no one was listening to me! I've never seen liquid move more slowly!

The nurse finally said she'd call for him when the bag was only half empty, and when we got there 10 minutes later she checked me and I was 7cm. The fact that I had dilated 2 cm in 10 minutes was lost on me, I had my eyes set on an epidural and I was getting one!

The anesthesiologist finally got there around 12:45AM (I know, that was pretty dang fast but it didn't feel like it!). Once the epidural was in (which wasn't painful at all) I laid back and all of a sudden felt the baby drop into the birth canal. The nurse checked me, and I just had a lip of cervix left. It took about 2 more contractions for me to start to feel the numbness creeping in, and my left side was going numb before my right. I was worried because I have heard of epidurals that only ever take on one side, but the anesthesiologist said it is normal to go numb on one side first and it didn't mean I'd NEVER go numb on the other side.

My body was starting to push on its own, and I had to puff through each contraction because the doctor wasn't there yet. I heard the nurse ask the anesthesiologist if he wanted to catch the baby, and he said "I prefer to wait until the mother cat has licked off the afterbirth". I was focused pretty inward, getting ready to push, but even so that comment made me pause and think "What did he just say?!?!"

The doctor arrived at about 1:15AM and I started to push. Pushing with an epidural is much harder than pushing without! I could feel the muscles that were doing the pushing, but I couldn't feel the results, if that makes any sense, and I definitely couldn't push as hard. I seemed to do ok though, because 3 contractions later, she was out!

I always used to think a fast labor was a good thing but you know what? I actually preferred my 11.5 hour labor with Emily to this 4 hour labor! With Emily's labor it was gradual enough that I was able to stay on top of the contractions whereas this one went from zero to sixty before I knew it and I got scared and unable to relax.

If I had asked for the epidural 1-2 contractions later, it probably would've been too late to get one. I ALMOST wish that had been the case, but now I have experienced labor both ways. I was definitely more comfortable with the epidural, and I think it allowed me to be more patient about pushing so I didn't tear as much, but at the same time I definitely didn't get the same burst of post-labor endorphins this time that I had with my natural birth.

Either way, Charlotte is here, and I'm glad to be through labor! I'm super-glad that both times my water broke it was in the privacy of my own home. It's nice to not be a ticking time bomb anymore!

Life as we know it

A week ago today, I gave birth to Emily #2 Baby Charlotte. It is RIDICULOUS how much this girl looks like her sister. Take a look:

Charlotte:


Emily:


The only difference in their appearance is that Charlotte DEFINITELY has Will's family's long skinny feet and long skinny fingers whereas Emily has my short fat fingers and feet. I can already forsee the pre-teen meltdowns when I take my girls shoe shopping and Emily and I can buy cute shoes at the store while Charlotte will have to get whatever fits. Oh well, there's always Zappos.

I have a feeling they won't look identical for long though, because while Emily was jaundice and it was always a struggle to get her to eat, Charlotte NEVER stops eating. She will nurse for 45 minutes, fall asleep, wake up 5 minutes later rooting and nurse for another half hour. Sometimes she's still hungry after that, and then we'll give her a bottle (both because I'm out of milk and because there's only so much nursing my boobs can take) and she'll drink 3.5 oz. A baby at 10 days old is only supposed to have a stomach capacity of 1 oz! My milk, as usual, has been very sluggish to come in despite the fact that I've been taking enough fenugreek to make me smell like a maple tree, but when it does come in I'd better have a lot...I feel like I'm nursing twins.

So Charlotte is a very good baby...she only really gets irritated if she starts rooting and is not supplied with a boob or bottle in a timely manner. She almost never spits up, which is a HUGE difference from Emily, who was so difficult to feed in the first place and then she'd promptly barf up everything you'd given her. Charlotte has been snoozing quite a bit during the day, which makes me nervous because it can mean party time all night, but she pretty much wakes up for a diaper change and a nursing session and goes back to sleep at night which is awesome.

Emily has been amazing too. She hasn't shown a single bit of jealousy so far, and she LOVES her little sister. She has gotten a bit TOO loving on one or two occasions, but by and large she is incredibly gentle and sweet, especially for a 2.5 year old. Except for some complications I'm dealing with (I will probably post about it later) life has been pretty great since we got home. I've been getting a shower and a nap every day thanks to my wonderful husband and family, and that's huge. Emily has been a well-behaved toddler and wonderful big sister and Charlotte is healthy and doing well so we're all pretty happy campers around here.

Progress

I visited the OB today (the good one!) and was given the very encouraging news that I am "a good 3cm dilated, 50% effaced" and she can feel the baby's head. Also cervix is "low", which doesn't mean much to me but it's better than 2 weeks ago when the doctor said "Where is your cervix" while he was digging around up in there. Um, I usually keep it right where you're looking, can you REALLY not find it? I am apparently measuring 37 weeks now vs. 39 weeks last week, so I guess Charlotte dropped further? When I mentioned to the good OB that the irritating OB told me last week that second time moms don't drop down, they drop out, she said "I really don't know what he meant by that". I'm glad to hear that someone with a medical degree is just as confused by the irritating OB as I am.

Most exciting is that the doctor said I would be very easy to induce. So if, for some reason, I'm still walking around pregnant in a week and a half, all she'll have to do is break my water. It's actually quite a load off my mind to think that pitocin will probably never have to enter my veins. AND, if I make it to my 40 week appointment next week, I get to see the good OB again. I guess the front desk lady only forces you to see a different doctor if you specifically ask for the good OB. I kind of want to strangle her.

I know women walk around 3 cm dilated for weeks sometimes, but last time my body didn't mess around so I'm hoping the same will be true this time. I have actually been having lots of contractions today as long as I'm up and walking around, but they die down when I sit so I'm thinking it's not labor yet. They definitely don't hurt like labor contractions did last time, but then again my water hasn't broken yet and I've heard contractions are much less painful before your water breaks.

So I'm sitting here, periodically thinking "Hmmm, that one felt pretty tight in my back, maybe I should start to call people", then deciding against it. My mom's contractions with my youngest sister didn't hurt until her water broke, and then she only had about an hour until Kathleen was actually born so I worry about that happening to me. I have a lot of people to collect before I can go to the hospital!

I'm also spoiled in that Charlotte has cooperated so well so far, I find I am now trying to make her arrival come at the PERFECT time. I keep thinking I should get up and walk, since that makes my contractions come, but it's getting towards the evening and if laying around vs. walking will make her come tomorrow after I've slept vs. tonight as I'm falling asleep, well that would be good right? She's not even due yet, so another couple hours in the womb will just make her less likely to have jaundice and more likely to have nice strong lungs, right? And she's not going to weigh much more tomorrow morning than she does tonight, so it wouldn't be much tougher for me. Then again, if I manage to get labor started right now, I could have her by bedtime tonight and then I wouldn't have to worry about visitors busting into my delivery room because no one is allowed in until tomorrow morning anyway.

Or I could still be 2 weeks away from having this baby. Either way, 3cm is 30% of the way to pushing, yay!

So I will continue to hang around in limbo, making sure that my phone is nearby and vacillating back and forth between thinking I should rest and thinking I should get up and move.

We made it

Here we are, January 4th, and Charlotte is still in my tummy. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. This issue I've worried about pretty much since I got pregnant is now officially not an issue anymore. My lesser worry, a big snowstorm, does not appear to be too much of a possibility in the next 10 days either. BIG sigh of relief.

Brad and Kim's wedding was lots of fun, I can't believe they're actually married now! Mostly I can't believe Brad is married now. It's always weird when someone you grew up with gets married I suppose. But everything went well, I managed to do some slow dancing, sobbed through most of the ceremony, first dance, daddy/daughter dance etc. and even managed to FREAK Will out when he saw a random puddle of water on the floor in the place I had agreed to meet him before heading to the reception. I found him running down the hall with a panicked look on his face yelling "Are you OK?" It's nice to know he cares.

So now, I am kind of at loose ends. I really appreciate the extra time Charlotte is giving me to get ready, but I honestly expected to have a baby by now so I am kind of just hanging out at the house, napping a lot, slowly putting up curtain rods and VERY slowly getting the Christmas stuff put away. It is a really strange mix of super-relaxing and super-tense. I am constantly paying attention for a gush of water, or a contraction that hurts in THAT way. I am making a pork shoulder for dinner tonight, and when I started it cooking this morning it was strange to think I might not be here to take it out of the oven 8 hours later.

It's also weird because if I were going away on a trip for 2 days and leaving Emily here with grandparents I would make sure all her clothes were clean and put away in the right place, her bed made "lasagna style" with several layers of clean sheets and waterproof pads in case of an accident, plenty of food she likes easily accessible, the house clean etc. The problem is, I don't know WHEN I'm leaving this time, so I am trying my best to keep everything perfectly ready at all times but it's tough because I'll let you in on a little secret...I don't usually live that way. More often than not, I pull her clothes out of a (clean) laundry basket to get her dressed vs. her closet. If some clothes or sheets are dirty, I usually don't wash them right away because we have more. If she has eaten all of her favorite snacks or dinners I don't worry because I know what she likes and I can just go shopping and make some more food. I try to keep the house clean, but it certainly doesn't stay clean and I always work best on a deadline which I don't have this time. Well I DO have a BIG deadline, but I don't get to know when it is.

I did actually think I was in labor last night for awhile...my back hurt so badly that it woke me up out of a dead sleep at 1:15AM. I decided I was having back labor (I just KNOW I'm going to have back labor, as much as she has ground on my back during this pregnancy) so I stumbled out of bed and went to the bathroom (which is always the first order of business upon waking). In my sleep-dazed state, I was thinking to myself "If this is very early back labor, I need to go to the hospital and get an epidural NOW!" because boy did it hurt. I tried talking to Charlotte and telling her that I didn't mind her coming now, but there was a much easier way to do it for both of us. If she could just turn her face towards my back we'd all be happier.

Once I laid back down in bed (on my left side this time) I felt a little better and soon I was back to sleep so it obviously wasn't labor. I suspect it was a bit of digestive upset, possibly caused by my over-indulging in frozen buckeye filling I discovered in the freezer before bedtime :-(

Emily seems to realize something is afoot, because she has been spending a lot of time in "No, Mommy, no!" mode. This morning she wanted noodles, she didn't care that we didn't have any noodles, then she wanted yogurt, no not this yogurt, YES WE DO HAVE OTHER YOGURT, she wanted to see the doggie visiting Tank next door, she wanted Tank and his friend to come BACK outside, SHE wanted to go outside, she wanted to watch a pony show (???), she wanted to be picked up but she was not willing to use her words to ask and say please etc., all liberally sprinkled with crying and whining. Luckily there are also times during the day where she'll sing songs about how much she loves me and be a total sweetheart, so I guess she's basically just being a 2 year old. Just a more whiney one than she usually is.

So, as much as it surprises me, it's looking like I might actually make it to my 39 week Dr appointment this week. We'll see what's up then, and we'll see if they start trying to schedule me for an induction again like they did last time. But no matter how well I feel, and no matter how few signs of impending labor I am having, this baby WILL be here in the next 3.5 weeks, and most likely earlier! I'll hold out hope that Charlotte continues to be agreeable and won't decide to come while I'm at the grocery store or just laying down to sleep for the night. But I've been so lucky already I will definitely take whatever happens and be happy!

Happy No Ear

I've read many blogs today that discuss how bad the year 2009 was and how much better everyone hopes 2010 will be. I'm inclined to agree. In 2009 the economy sucked, Will was sick most of the time, and I feel kind of like I slugged my way through the year. We definitely had many good things happen too and I'm not discounting that, but I will be glad to leave behind the year of being pregnant with a sick husband while trying to mother a toddler.

When I think about resolutions, I can think of lots for NEXT year, but in 2010 I know my body and my time will be almost completely claimed by a baby and a toddler so I am giving myself a free pass for this year. Instead I am feeling pretty good about what I have accomplished in the last week.

Christmas = Survived



Just barely




Train table = Pimped



Relaxation Trip = Accomplished without incident. Relaxation achieved.


My hair = Cut

I figure I will not have time to get to the salon anytime in the next couple months. I also figure I am going to a different place next time. I liked the way the girl cut my hair 2 years ago, but she keeps trying to give me bangs nowadays and I am just not really thrilled with how my hair keeps turning out.


Baby = Dropped (although the doctor says she dropped OUT, not DOWN. Whatever. She's not living in my lungs anymore so that's a win in my book)



Charlotte's room = Decorated...



....more or less.
Wal-Mart is still out of C's. Poor little Harlotte.
I also can't make the curtains hang right but I am too lazy to wash or steam them to get the fold marks out.
I also would rather gouge out my eyes than ever put those wispy little stickers all over the wall again. I hope Charlotte likes dandelions because those are staying put for a GOOD long time.

Embarrassing supplies for after the birth that make me feel like I'm 80 = Purchased


Not pictured = Gigantic pads (I have a couple leftover from last time and hope to steal enough from the hospital to get by), sitz bath and hemorrhoid pillow. I didn't need the last two last time, and I hope I don't this time but if it turns out I do I wanted to leave SOMETHING for Will to buy. He's half responsible for this baby's arrival too.

Hospital bag = Packed


My New Years Eve = Will be spent in bed spooning my snoogle


Now if only the baby will stay in until Monday or Tuesday that would be just swell.

I wish you all a Happy New Year. Or as Emily says, a Happy No Ear.

Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe it....

Will went to bed at 6:45PM, I just have to last 1 more hour until Emily's bedtime. Thank the LORD (and Playskool and Gemmy) for the Busy Ball Popper. Between that and the trampoline Emily might be occupied and tired out with minimal effort from me by 8:30. I am SO sleeping through my massage tomorrow, and I'm ok with that.

Never EVER plan to be this pregnant at Christmas if you already have kids.

An early Christmas present

While searching for recipes earlier this week, I came across this picture at chow.com. My first thought was that it was a picture of two Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches mating. And to be honest, that was also my second and third thought. I had to enlarge it and read the recipe to realize it is actually a bacon-wrapped turkey with pear cider gravy.

I figured it was just me who was weird enough to think that food was actually bugs, but while I was peering at it sideways I heard a little voice behind me say "That is a buggy and the lady let me pet it gently and it went "pfffffffft"". Which is precisely the 2-year old version of the story I told at the beginning of the month about the bug-obsessed preschool. So either it really DOES look like a cockroach, or else my daughter is just as weird as me.

Either way, I feel vindicated. And proud.

So Merry Christmas everyone! And if you make bacon-wrapped turkey with pear cider gravy, send me a picture. I am disgusted but intrigued.

Christmas Countdown

Bleh. I am finally on the upswing of whatever disease has claimed my energy and productivity for the past 4 days. I tried blogging while I was sick on the couch, but everything I wrote was far too whiny and unintelligible. A far cry from my usual sophisticated prose. I've spent the past 5 days either watching 18" of snow fall, or doing a lot of groaning and mouth-breathing. The snow was cool because it's the most we've gotten in 15 years (we USED to get snow, but then El Nino or La Nina or whoever showed up and we haven't had more than a couple inches in any given year for a LONG time) and because I did not go into labor while we were snowed in! The mouth-breathing tends to keep Will awake at night, but sorry dude, anything less than 2 fully functional nostrils is just not enough and I need to switch over to my mouth. I'm breathing for two here.

But now, I find myself unceremoniously dumped practically on the feet of Christmas Eve, and instead of slowly transitioning from sick mode back into normal life I've had to hit the ground running to make sure everything is bought and wrapped and baked and prepared for Christmas. I think I'm almost there, but despite all my efforts to get prepared ahead of time, I am still rushing and stressed and looking forward to when Christmas is over and I can relax for a bit. I am in good company though, because all the parents in Frederick county unexpectedly found their houses full of kids this week, as they have canceled the last 3 days of school before Christmas break. I imagine losing the last 3 child-free days before Christmas would be pretty panic-inducing.

One of my errands today was to go to my now-weekly doctor appointment. As usual, I left pretty irritated. For brevity's sake, I'll explain why in a list.

-The nurse told me casually that I'd gained 4 pounds in a week. I knew for a FACT that I had not and said so. It took a bit of arguing, but she finally realized it was a typo and I had actually gained 1 pound, but I had actually ACTUALLY only gained 0.6 pounds, because last week my weight ended in 0.2 and this week it ended in 0.8 but they ROUND, the bastards.

-As I was getting my blood pressure checked, a nurse tried to send another lady's husband back to hang out with me. Once it was determined that this was NOT my husband and I did NOT want him in the exam room with me, the nurses told me the story of when they had accidentally sent a guy (named Marcus) back into an exam room with a lady (with a husband named Mark) who was on the table at the time. Apparently this was hilarious. If it were me, and some strange dude walked in while I was in the stirrups, I probably would have sued. It may be no big deal to an OB/GYN nurse who sees women's whole worlds all day every day, but for the rest of us (and as I am trying to teach my daughter right now) 'ginas are private.

-I was left to sit in the BAKING hot exam room for 35 minutes with no phone service, and only a breastfeeding pamphlet and a copy of Parenting magazine that I had already read for entertainment. By the time the doctor showed up for his 4 minutes of face time, I had completely shredded both the paper under me and the woefully inadequate paper "modesty sheet" I had been provided because HELLO, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and it's really uncomfortable for me to have to perch on an exam table for 35 minutes so I'd had to do a lot of wiggling and re-adjusting.

I could go on, but I'm sure you've all heard more than enough about my OB appointment by now. Oh, except for the result...I'm 1cm dilated, but not effacing yet. So it's no guarantee, but I will probably stay pregnant for a bit longer. But I'm 1/10th of the way there! Yay!

And now I have to go. Will has not done anything Christmassy yet this year, so we've waited until today to take Emily to the mall to visit Santa. Better late than never, I guess. Hopefully we'll still have time left today to do the millions of other things on my list.

2 days until my massage...

My Eggo is Preggo

I haven't watched the Top Chef finale yet, so I am hiding in my house, avoiding Facebook and Twitter and certain blogs and the newspaper and random strangers walking by on the street so that no one can spoil the ending for me. Just because I can't stay awake late enough at night to watch it, and just because we don't have cable shouldn't mean I can't be surprised!

I just read over my last post, and all of that still applies, really (except there has been blessedly less cockroach-petting this week). If you are pressed for time, here is a quick summary for you:

I'm pregnant blah blah blah I hope the baby doesn't come too soon because there's still a lot to do blah blah blah preschool for Emily blah blah blah.

So yeah, still finishing Christmas shopping, still worried about Charlotte arriving earlier than planed, still looking for preschools, although I've made some progress on that front. I've found two that I really like, and she's already in at one of the two so all I have to do is send them $50 by February and it's all taken care of. Despite that fact, and despite the fact that ANY of the preschools I've looked at would be 100% fine (a point Emily relentlessly drives home every time I take her to visit a new one and she just walks right into the class, helps herself to some blocks or play dough and starts to play like she belongs there) I am still obsessed with finding the PERFECT preschool. I guess I've read too many blogs where moms have had big problems with their childs' preschools and I want to make sure the one I choose is the best possible fit for Emily.

But since I've settled into a weekly routine of preschool visits, doctor's appointments and Christmas-related errands, there's really not much that is interesting to report. If this pregnancy lasts exactly as long as my pregnancy with Emily did, I will be slightly skinnier (but much baggier) and sporting a cute new accessory in 3.5 weeks. I'm in the "I'm afraid to leave the house too much lest I get too tired or go into labor" period of my pregnancy, the time when you just kind of curl up in the nest like the huge egg you are and wait to hatch. I bought a dress for the wedding on January 2nd, and I even restrained myself from asking the saleslady at Motherhood which dress would be best for hiding a gush of amniotic fluid. I have even seriously considered wearing some depends, but then I start to think about how very convenient diapers would be at this point because they would save me about 100 trips to the bathroom per hour, but Will says he would flat-out divorce me if I ever wore diapers and purposely peed in them, and I think that's fair so I will probably avoid the temptation. I settled for this one, and I even got it in a medium, so now I feel all svelte. But in reality I look like this:


Except that usually I have arms.

And you all have my permission to rub my face in all these "oh please don't let me give birth too early" posts when January 24th rolls around and I'm still pregnant.

Expecting

Wow. It's December. That means I can officially say that I'm having a baby next month (at least I hope it won't be this month or 2 months from now) and that's scary. Because next month isn't far away, and there is A LOT to do in the meantime.

Probably the most important is to pick out a freakin' preschool for Emily already. I've been whining about it for almost a year now, but at least I'm visiting places and getting on lists now. Emily has visited a couple with me, and she seems to love the idea. The first place we visited, she walked into a classroom, said "Bye bye Mommy" and then went to play with some blocks. At least I won't be the parent who has to attend preschool for a month because their child goes ballistic if they try to leave. I'm just the parent who is so boring the kid can't wait to escape and go interact with other kids. Much better.

The place we visited today had a definite emphasis on "nature". And by "nature", I mean they are situated on 22 lovely wooded acres, they take the kids on nature walks, and they have hideous bugs in all the classrooms. They are all in cages and not scurrying around on the floor so they get points for that, but still. There was a HISSING COCKROACH in a cage in the hallway, and the woman had Emily touch it. If you've been reading for long, you'll recall that I although I am trying my hardest not to pass this on to Emily, I hate bugs, and I have an absolute phobia of cockroaches after one jumped on my foot first thing in the morning when I was in college. Cockroaches that HISS are even more phobia-worthy than regular city cockroaches. I actually seized up a bit and had to back away when she pulled the terrifying monster out of its cage, and while I watched Emily pet it (yes, it was so big you could PET it!!!!!!) and heard the disgusting beast hiss, it took every ounce of control I had not to grab my precious baby and just run blindly in any direction that was away from that abomination. Emily will NOT be attending the insect freak preschool.

While the search for a preschool goes on, I am also helping my youngest sister find an engagement ring (awwwwww!), peppering my lawyer friends with questions on behalf of my middle sister who is getting totally screwed over a speeding ticket, trying to get ready for Christmas earlier than I usually do (i.e. before 3AM Christmas morning) and doing work here and there in the nursery. Poor Charlotte is definitely the second child...we had Emily's room painted months in advance, I painstakingly matched bedding colors and furniture finishes, I made hand-painted letters for her wall and matching hand-painted switchplate and outlet covers and the room was ready to go with months to spare. Charlotte's room is the color it was when we moved in (the walls are green, green is girly enough, right?), she has mismatched, hand-me-down furniture and bedding, and her crib is still in pieces on the floor being used as a balance beam by Emily, mere weeks before she is due to arrive. Also all of her clothes (Emily's hand-me-downs) have weird yellow barf stains on them that weren't there when I packed them away. I'll have to do some research to figure out how to get those stains out because that is just TOO sad. Even a second child shouldn't have to wear clothes stained with other people's barf.

But at the end of all this getting ready, my mom and sisters informed me that they're taking me up to the Omni Bedford Springs for 1 night to relax and have spa treatments :-) I am thrilled, but I was a little worried about going ANYWHERE less than 3 weeks before my due date. I realized though that it wasn't really a BAD time to go into labor, because I'll have all my coaches with me already, I'll be nice and relaxed, and it's only an hour away so we can just call Will, tell him to get ready and get someone over to watch Emily and then pick him up on the way to the hospital. And if my water breaks on the massage table? I'll make my massage therapist finish, THEN leave to go home :-) Either that or make her come with me. If you can't call in special favors when you're in labor, when can you?

So I'm aiming to have everything done by December 31st, because that's when wedding activities for our friends' wedding start. It would be a bad time for Charlotte to come (except that we'd still have good insurance) so I need to make sure we're 100% ready because that will ensure that she WON'T come. And if I get past January 2nd (please please please) then I can just lay around and gestate and rest up so that I AM ready when she makes her debut. At least as ready as is possible.