I have my very own bathroom attendant. She accompanies me into the bathroom every time, without fail. She pulls the toilet paper off the roll and hands it to me. When I am finished she closes the lid of the toilet, then flushes. Then she escorts me out and closes the door to the bathroom, and all she requires is a bit of applause when she completes her tasks.
Oh yeah, I also pay for her room and board and devote every waking moment to her upbringing. But at least I'm starting to get some service out of the deal!