Thursday, October 28, 2010

A note on the table but no meal in the micro

Back in the fall of 2008...

Sara: Hi new microwave. I just bought the house that you are installed in. I want you to know that I have had bad experiences with Kitchenaid items in the past, but I am willing to give you a shot.

Microwave: I assure you, I will not disappoint! See how shiny I am? And how well I go with the other appliances? Have you noticed how many superfluous buttons I have?

Sara: Ok then, let's do this.

Jump forward to some morning in the Fall of 2010, 4:00AM...

Sara: Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeergh...what was that, the 10th baby feeding of the night? I'm so tired I can't even see straight. Also I am hearing an annoying beeping in my head. Wait, that's real. What the hell?

Microwave: Beep! Beep! Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep!

Sara: (trudging downstairs) Dude, not cool. (Hits cancel button)


Sara: What is that buzzing noise?

Microwave: Ha ha! I have laid in wait for 2 years lulling you into a false sense of security but now look! I have become sentient and turned myself on! In a few short hours I will get hot enough to burn your house down! Hahahahahahahaha!

Sara: I knew you were trouble for the beginning! I am so not leaving you on anymore unless I need to use you, and I am SO telling Kitchenaid on you! (unplugs microwave)

Microwave: Awwwww....

1 week later

Microwave: I have been a good little microwave for a week now! And you've gotten a chance to experience how difficult life can be without a microwave or a light or vent fan over your stove. I am an integral part of your kitchen! How about if we just forget any of this ever happened and make peace?

Sara: Well, I really don't want to call Kitchenaid and wait on hold for hours just to have them tell me you're not under warranty anymore...I guess I could give you another...

Microwave: Chicken! Chickenchickenchickenchickenchickenchickenchicken!

Sara: Whaaaaa?

Microwave: Ha HA! Now I am going to pretend someone is holding down the chicken defrost button so that you can't press any other buttons! And I am going to make incessant beeping noises too! And just when you least expect it, I am going to turn myself on! And if you ever do get a button in edgewise I will work for 1 minute and then display -F2- and shut down! Just try to use me NOW!

Sara: (weeping) I just want my Lean Cuisine! I'm so very hungry and in need of a quick lunch! Not to mention the fact that all of my baby's food is frozen and needs to be microwaved! Would you really keep food from a hungry nursing mother and her baby?

Microwave: You bet I would! You brought this on yourself! Chickenchickenchickenchickenchickenchickenchicken -F2-

2 weeks later....

Sara: Well microwave, it's no secret that I hate you a lot, but you've at least been working intermittently and this new -F2- trend seems to be keeping you from turning on by yourself and burning down my house.

Microwave: You know you're too lazy to call Kitchenaid. And you know if you do they won't replace me, they'll just try to fix me. Then I'll just lay in wait for awhile longer until you're REALLY not expecting it, THEN I'll burn your house down!

Sara: I hate you so much.

1 week later still....

Sara: Alright microwave, I invited a friend over, and she needs to heat up a Healthy Choice entree. I just need you to behave for 4 minutes.

Microwave: Just look at me! Does it look like I am doing anything wrong? We 've been going through a rough patch these past few weeks, but I think we're past all of that now.

Sara: Then why won't you start?

Microwave: Ha HA! Now I'm going to pretend that my door isn't shut even though it is! I'd like to see you try to heat up your friend's food NOW!

Sara: (throwing her whole weight against the door of the microwave) Take that! As long as I stand here on a stool and lean on the door, you totally still work!

Microwave: Yes, yes I do.

4 minutes later....

Sara: (falling off her stool, exhausted) Thanks a lot microwave. You've awakened me in the middle of the night, you've tried to burn my house down. You've taken 20 minutes to heat up my Lean Cuisine and you've denied my baby food. Now you've made me look like an idiot in front of my friend! And what's this? Is there a chip missing from the inside seal of your door? You cried wolf so many times I didn't believe there was actually something wrong but YOU WERE TOTALLY JUST FRYING MY BRAINS WHILE I WAS HOLDING YOUR DOOR CLOSED FOR 4 MINUTES, WEREN'T YOU?

Microwave: Yes, yes I was.

Sara: (sputtering) You're such a big...stupid...jerk...microwave!

Microwave: I've done all of this to you and yet here I still hang in your kitchen. Now who do you think is really the stupid one?

Sara: (eyes downcast, scuffing toe on floor) Me.

Microwave: Call Kitchenaid.

Sara: Ok.

I see the light

Last night, Will and I dressed up and went to his Rotary club's 90th birthday celebration. It was more fun than we had expected (i.e. any fun at all), although there was a cash bar, which is always lame, especially when you've paid money for tickets to an event that doesn't even have the excuse of being a fundraiser. To add insult to injury, my diet coke and rum from said cash bar was very weak. My goal was to get tipsy quickly and then sober up for the rest of the evening in case I returned home to find a still-awake and hungry baby waiting for me, so I quickly downed the light, refreshing beverage and in case the bartender had only listened to the first part of my initial order, I made sure the alcohol came first when I asked for a whiskey with a splash of ginger ale for my second round. The results were much more satisfactory.

Being back in the same ballroom where most big formal events are held in Frederick reminded me pretty forcefully of when I was 22 and newly married. Will and I went to events ALL THE TIME back then. I loved shopping for a dress, finding the right jewelry to go with it, getting my hair done and going out to show it all off. It let me pretend I was a wealthy socialite without all the annoying paparazzi. There was never anyone at any of these events who was actually our age, but I didn't mind being bored out of my skull and dancing to 20's music as long as I got to tell people I was going to a GALA, or a BENEFIT or a BALL (do you ever think back and just want to punch your younger self in the face?) I think it also made me feel like an adult at a time when I still felt like I was playing house and pretending to be a grown-up.

But now, with plenty of little ankle-biters crawling around making me feel not only like a grown-up but downright old, I just recycled the bridesmaid dress I wore in my sister's wedding last week and spent a grand total of 30 minutes getting ready. As I said, Will and I were not really looking forward to tonight (A Rotary event on a Wednesday evening? Well, if we have to...) but then we realized that we would be going somewhere together without any kids in tow which made it kinda sorta like a date, something that has been in short supply for us for awhile now. Even if the event itself was boring, we would get a chance to talk in complete sentences without being interrupted by a request for a show or another banana or the howl of a baby who has been knocked over for the 100th time by her big sister. And we did have good conversations, which did make it fun.

Going to this "event" kind of made us think about all the freedom we used to have that we took for granted, but it also showed us the light at the end of the tunnel. Charlotte has been willing to take a bottle and hang with my family for a couple months now, but with my parents and sister being gone most of September and then the wedding right afterward, things have been so busy I've felt bad requesting babysitting. As Will put it, we've been sitting in a "holding pattern" for awhile now, just waiting until our kids are old enough for us to be able to resume some of the adult activities that we have always enjoyed together like going out in the evenings and traveling. It's been a long time, but the isolation of having a nursing baby tied to me at all times is almost over. We love being parents no matter what, but it's a lot easier to love it if being parents isn't ALL you ever do!

And having a strong drink now and then doesn't hurt either.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Booooo to Boo-ing

I came home on Friday afternoon after dropping Will off at the airport (a little late, due to the fact that we made it halfway to the wrong airport before either of us bothered to check if we were going to the right place) and as usual, Emily ran up onto the porch while I unloaded the car. She came running back a couple seconds later, with her hands full of lollipops, pencils and glow sticks. I wondered if she had taken out an early trick-or-treater while I wasn't looking, but when I got to the porch I saw a bag filled with goodies and a note informing me (in verse) that I had been "Booed". I was to make two copies of the note, boo two other people within 1 day, and post the note on my front door so that I didn't get re-booed.

I managed to hide most of the candy from Emily before she delved too deeply into the bag (she was pleased just to have the pencils, glowsticks, and a lollipop) but then I started worrying. First of all, Will had taken the laptop with him to Chicago, and the laptop is the computer that I always print from. Our printer is a crotchety old jerk, but it seems to get along well with my laptop and I didn't think it would take too kindly to being asked to work with a whole new computer. Will informs me now that our scanner/printer is actually also a copy machine, but I was not aware of this fact so I didn't know how I was going to make copies of the note to tuck into the two bags I was now charged with assembling. Second, I had only stopped by my house to pick up our dog and head up to my parents' house, where I was planning on spending the next 3 days. I could take the note with me to copy at their house, but that would leave my door note-free and I might accidentally get boo-ed again, which is strictly against the rules (according to the happy little ghost on my note). Also, I had planned on this weekend being a vacation of sorts for me, and I didn't want to drive the hour roundtrip back to Frederick on one of my days "off" to go shopping for the two boo bags I now needed to fill and deliver within 24 hours.

I quickly decided that I just wouldn't worry about the time constraint, I could just boo people when I came back home on Monday. And because I'm lazy, I didn't ACTUALLY get around to assembling boo-bags until today.

What to put in them was another problem. I am not really into giving kids tons of candy...I am willing to relent on Halloween, but the last thing kids need a week BEFORE Halloween is a bunch of pre-holiday candy. So then I had to assemble totally awesome bags to make up for the fact that I didn't plan to put candy in them. Oh the pressure!

But now, almost everyone I know has a note on their window. I didn't want to give a boo-bag to someone without kids because they'd probably just chuck the thing, and most of the fun of it (at least for me) was how excited Emily got when she discovered it. I could pick out a random house where I have seen young kids hanging out, but then how do I know how MANY kids live there, and therefore how many of each item to put into the bag? And I know for a fact that one family with kids has a daughter who's severely allergic to pretty much anything, and giving them a bucket of stuff her brothers can have but she can't would be super-mean.

So I have them now, I have a plan, I'm ready to boo some people, but today it's kind of pouring rain. I put the buckets in plastic bags, but I am still not sure they'll fare all that well sitting in the rain for a long time. If I wait until this evening when people are home I'll have to ring the doorbell and run (like it says I'm supposed to on the note) and I don't think I can make it out of sight fast enough. Plus hiding in someone's bushes is creepy. And not the good kind of Halloween creepy, more like the "I'm taking out a restraining order you stalker" kind of creepy.

So that's how being an antisocial procrastinator has turned this fun little Halloween game meant to foster neighborliness into a stressful project that has me darting glances out the window at the people across the street and shaking my fist because dammit, what are they doing home in the middle of the day? And why is it still raining? And no one else better boo them in the meantime or I might have to go out there and make some enemies.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Here's what else has been going on (at least the things I've managed to take pictures of):
The fair!

After pretending to be a horsey for weeks, Emily got to meet one up close and personal

Charlotte is already helping Daddy with work...

...and also starting to share his love of weightlifting!

She's THIS close to walking, and is great at pulling herself up. She spends most of her time standing these days

And she especially loves hanging out with her big sister

She also enjoys spending time with the dishwasher (which is probably why the door broke this morning)

Just like another 9-month old baby who used to crawl around my house

Also, last weekend, my littlest sister got married!
She had one excited (and adorable if you ask me) flower girl

Sorry I don't have any GOOD pictures of the wedding, a bag was placed on top of my camera while we were getting ready so I couldn't find it and therefore didn't take pictures for the rest of the day.

I haven't blogged much since Charlotte was born, and I feel bad about that, like her first year has slipped by mostly undocumented. Unless you count the thousands of pictures and videos we have. But still. So to go along with the pictures I've finally posted, here are the girls' stats.

Age: 3.5 years
Height: 37.5 inches
Weight: 33 pounds
Likes: Preschool, pretending to be a doggie, pretending to be a horsey, Flogging Molly, swinging, pb&j sandwiches, He-Man, dinosaurs, halloween decorations, making loud and usually inappropriate observations about people in public, juiceboxes, knocking her sister over, roughhousing, baths and reading books.
Dislikes: Getting shots (although she is SO brave about it), going to the dentist (our first trip was NOT successful), wearing clothes (especially while sleeping), walking up hills, having her hair brushed and having her teeth brushed.
-Last Morgan (translation...last morning, which basically means "an undetermined amount of time ago")
-Boo-mehm-uh - remember
-Unhand me monster! (said at random times...I think it's from Shrek 3)
-(insert item or experience here) is my favorite I've ever seen in town!
-My heart wants a banana with peanut butter (said with hand laying over heart pledge of allegiance-style)
-I want FREE! (translation: I want three, always said while holding up 2 fingers)
-We need to eat hell-fully food and exercise so our skeletons don't jump out of our bodies (NO idea where this came from)

Age: 9.5 months
Height: 27 inches
Weight: 19 pounds
Likes: Mommy, crawling, pulling up on things, digging in houseplant dirt, eating leaves and grass and paper, Mommy, cuckoo clocks, big sister's toys, peek-a-boo, fans, lights, Mommy, pointing, shaking her head "no", dancing, clapping, doing "so big", being upside-down, bananas, tofu, cheese, dishwashers, making a mess, wind, ibuprofen, shopping, being in the Bjorn, baths and Mommy.
Dislikes: TEETHING (8 teeth so far), wearing more than 1 shoe at a time, visiting the doctor, not being able to keep up with big sister, being in a carseat, having her nose wiped, sleeping, being tired, and anything that involves not being held by Mommy.
Words she has said: Da Da, a sort of tongue-clicking noise that means "clock" and as of this morning, "woof".


I've been feeling guilty for a long time about not posting Emily's first day of preschool pictures after moaning on here for so long about the preschool decision. So without further ado, here we go!

My big girl!

The carefully-selected dinosaur backpack

So excited!

She STILL hangs her backpack up backwards. Oh well, it works

Day 1 was a success! Especially since she got her first taste of froot loops.

Emily has been doing really well with preschool. Aside from a rough week where she ended up in time-outs on a couple days for pushing and hitting her classmates on the playground, she seems to love it. When we drive by, she points out the building and says "Are we going to preschool? I am so ess-kited to go to preschool!". It's really nice, especially when I see the little boy who still, after a month and a half, has a breakdown whenever his mom drops him off. The little boy who Emily loudly tells me is named "Jack-in-the-box" and is a whiney boy when we're standing right next to him. I have a feeling Charlotte is going to be like that in a few years.

But that's another worry for another time.