Friday, January 16, 2009


I am lucky, in that I have very few things in my life that I regret.  I regret that I didn't really commit to Weight Watchers until 6 months after I got married, the result being that it is very painful for me to look at my 225-pound self in my wedding pictures.  At least Will was tubby then too :-)  I regret my colored jeans phase in middle school.  Seriously, just because my favorite colors were purple and green didn't mean I needed a pair of jeans in each of those colors, and it CERTAINLY didn't mean I needed to wear them ever.  I regret standing in the dressing room backstage during school play rehearsals my junior year and bursting out with "The guy I have to dance with is SOOO gross, he sweats all over me!", only to realize his sister was standing right behind me.  My mother always warned me never to say anything bad about anyone in Frederick because their parent/sibling/cousin/friend was most likely standing right next to you, and it is SO true.  I still feel ashamed when I think about that situation.

The thing I regret the most though, is getting dogs.  I mostly regret getting these dogs, but I pretty much regret just getting dogs in the first place.  Especially since Mingus peed on my drivers seat in my car yesterday.

We took them in to get their teeth cleaned yesterday, and Mingus, being his usual passive-aggressive self refused to come out of the car when we got to the vet.  He vaulted from the trunk into the back seat, then from there into the front seat, where he peed all over the place.  I sure did enjoy standing out in the freezing cold soaking up dog urine with paper towels.

And after a perfectly normal tooth cleaning (although they did remove a growth from Remy's mouth...they called to explain all about it while I was having lunch.  Gross) I got the bill.  $798.  And when I gulped and asked them how often I'm supposed to have their teeth cleaned, they cheerfully said "Oh, once every 6 months or so, some dogs can make it to a year".  Ha.

So owning two perfectly normal dogs cost almost $2000 a year, just in teeth cleanings and yearly checkups.  That doesn't include food, licensing fees, flea and tick medicine, vet visits and medicine if they get sick, boarding if you have to go away, daily medicine to keep your dog's skin from falling off, extra energy consumption and cleaning supplies to remove an entire cubic foot of dog hair from your floor every other day, and the daily frustration.

Remy did amuse us by falling flat on his face last night from a perfectly still standing position (the anesthesia hadn't quite worn off yet I guess), but that small bit of enjoyment certainly doesn't make up for all the money I put into keeping these fools around.

To some people I might sound very uncharitable and mean, but if you think so I invite you to come hang out with my dogs for a bit, let Mingus growl at you and bite you, let Remy whine at you until your ears split, and maybe chip in a bit for their veterinary care.  I'll even let you clean up some of the barf that ends up on our floor every day, and some urine too.  You know, just to get a good taste of what it's like.  THEN tell me how excited you'd be to have to pay so much for the pleasure of their company.

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