Thursday, November 10, 2011

Why you won't be seeing me on Survivor any time soon

Yesterday as I waited to pick up Emily at Preschool I was excited to see the lead mom posting the sign-up sheet for Emily's Thanksgiving party.  "Hooray!", I thought.  "I will get first crack at it so I will be able to sign up for exactly what I want to bring!".  Except that my children, instead of engaging in a 5 minute long wrestling match that completely blocks the hall like they usually do, decided to bolt for the door and actually made it outside, necessitating a chasing-down dragging-back and scolding from me.  By the time I got to the list there was a large crowd of moms around it, and once it finally got to be my turn the things I was hoping to sign up for were taken :-(  I am now bringing turkey lunchmeat and bubble wrap.  The strange thing is though that the list was oddly specific.  "Pretzels, square or circle-shaped", it read, and "Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing", so I would've been very limited anyway.  I probably would have been obstinate and ignored the pretzel shape and dressing brand requests had I been fortunate enough to snag those two (aparently coveted) items, especially because I don't recall discussing such details at the meeting.

Despite my extreme irritation at my children who were miserable both at preschool pickup and in the car afterward (requests were answered with "No!",  juice boxes were thrown at me) I decided to stop by and drag them into My Organic Market on the way home because I hadn't spent money on groceries in 3 days!!!!  I was going through withdrawl!!!  And I was sick of drinking powdered milk!!!  I also had to break in my new credit card.  Luckily My Organic Market always has free juice and snacks sitting out, which kept my kids calm and well-behaved in the store.  I celebrated by going in to pick up 4 necessities and leaving with $124 worth of groceries.

In the afternoon, I decided to try and kill myself.  I headed to the gym intent on taking Bodypump followed by Zumba, then going to my Weight Watchers meeting afterward.  Only once I had scooped everybody into the car and driven away did I realize that I had only eaten 15 points so far that day, and none of that food had passed my lips in the last 3 hours.   The only snack I had brought with me was a tiny Siggis 3.7 oz plain yogurt drink.  "No matter!" I thought.  "I used to take step classes followed by 2 karate classes and then go home for a 9PM dinner!  People wander the desert for days with no food or water and live!  I will be fine!"  And through Bodypump I was.   Once Zumba started though, my body started to get mad at me.  Everything felt MUCH more difficult (surprise!) and my muscles got all crampy.  I had to power through though, because I was making a point.

Back when I took salsa classes from the legendary Kevan, people got pretty nasty.  There was shoving and fighting to get a spot, and it got to the point where it almost wasn't even worth it to take the class because you had to deal with so much cattiness and crap to do so.  Zumba is starting to be the same way, with people showing up almost half an hour before class starts to get a spot in line to get into the studio so that they can be first to select a spot once it's time for class.  I try to set a good example and get a spot in the front when I can, but also purposely stand in the back sometimes to allow others a chance to stand in the front.  I hate all the "this is my spot" business.  Taking Bodypump before Zumba allows you the unique opportunity to be the absolute first person in the room when it's spot selection time though, so I took advantage and stood wherever I wanted to regardless of who traditionally claims that particular square of floor.  Thus, despite my rapidly deteriorating physical endurance and bouts of dizziness I felt like I had to dance especially well to "prove" that I deserved to stand in the front line (which was very crowded, because the other fine lady whose spot I took refused to stand anywhere else and so just smashed in next to me.  I made sure to "accidentally" whack her a couple times).

After Zumba I had to sit through a 45-minute long Weight Watchers meeting about ways to make TV-watching time less detrimental to one's diet, which is SO not my problem.  I only get about 1 hour of TV time a day, I get my exercise in, and I don't snack mindlessly on chips while zoning in front of the TV so I am not interested in  hearing about healthier food substitutions or suggestions to do crunches during commercials.  With such boring subject matter I had nothing to distract myself from the fact that I was still dizzy and shaking.  I finally made it home and chugged a bowl of chili that was way too hot and upset my empty stomach. 

Lesson learned.  Remember to fuel body before asking it to perform strenuous exercise for 2 hours straight.  Also, I am not 23 anymore so don't assume I can do things right now that I used to be able to do at my all-time-fittest age and shape. 

I will get back in great shape again though.  I will need to, if I want to be able to fight off the other moms to bring pretzels to Emily's next class party.

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