I was driving home today, trying to simultaneously drive, listen to the radio and shake my fist at Superfresh (damn you Superfresh! You lure me in with irresistible deals and half price dairy products and then you charge me $1.50 extra per artichoke and tell me that yes the mustard is on sale but only the kind that we don't actually have any of and no you can't have your coupon back even though you haven't even left the store yet) and the typical things were being discussed on the news. Cyber-hackers getting into the US's electrical grid blah blah blah the economy is still a long way from turning around yadda yadda yadda pirates.
And not just pirates. Pirates who took over a ship crewed by Americans off the coast of Somolia and took them hostage and then the crew overpowered the pirates and took one of them hostage but then the pirates took the captain of the ship hostage in some kind of bizarre triple-hostage situation. Didn't I see this movie last year?
I'm sorry. I KNOW that these are real, live, actual people who are in peril as we speak, but I just can't fathom (ha!) the whole pirate thing. I mean, little boys dress up and play pirate. So I make tasteless jokes about it.
And in a seamless segue, because I am an excellent writer who values continuity, here is a story from this weekend complete with pictures.
Will went up to his parents' farm on Saturday, and came home with a bouquet of daffodils that he'd picked for Emily and I. We were both thrilled...Emily because I gave her one to run around with, and me because I was thinking "Emily is a lucky girl to have such a good example of how men should treat their women, and I am a lucky girl to be married to such a good example of how men should treat their women, and now I am going to follow Emily around the backyard taking pictures of her with her flower because I want to capture precious childhood memories."
And I did...
Toddler with a daffodil, how adorable!
Smile for Mommy!
"Bees", she said. "Yes, you're right you smart little girl, bees like to go in flowers!"
Can you sniff the flower Emily?
Oh look, here's Daddy, lets get some Daddy-daughter photos!
I snapped the picture the instant that Will realized that the flower was, in fact, filled with bees.
And that was one of the first pictures I took.
About 10 minutes of "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, get them out, they're in ALL the flowers, holy crap and I was telling her to smell them, she told me there were bees but I didn't listen oh my God oh my God oh my GOD" followed. Will was chivalrous and took every flower over to the fence and flung the bees into the street. I don't know what kind of freaky ninja stealth-bees they were, but they were all just chillin' in the flowers in groups of 4 or 5, waiting for us to perhaps go to bed before the emerged, flew up to our rooms and stung us to death.
Or maybe they were actually pretty small bees and they may not have had agendas that included killing us and turning our house into a giant beehive, but still, there were BEES 3 inches from my daughter's face!
Bees sneaking my house, pirates sailing the high seas in 2009, Superfresh being a total (irresistible) dumbass, it's all too much for me to take right now. I think I'll go swab the deck (mop my bathroom).